Women Uniting…#MeToo

Every 98 seconds, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. Women, men, and our precious children. Every 98 seconds. 

17,700,000 women have reported a sexual assault since 1998.

As I said last week, in honor of Women’s History Month, I’m writing a piece each Sunday, honoring how strong we women can be. Over the past year we have seen women raise their voices about equality and become stronger than ever. Especially when we unite. And so this week I discuss the #MeToo movement and how women are being heard, using their voices to say we will no longer stay silent about sexual assault, harassment, and abuse. 

WHAT IS THE #MeToo MOVEMENT ABOUT? 

Long before the #MeToo hashtag went viral, activist Tarana Burke had founded the MeToo movement. The movement, begun in 2006 , was a movement to support survivors and end sexual violence. Burke started it after she had a conversation with a 13-year-old girl who shared she was being sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend.

This year TIME magazine named The Silence Breakers as the 2017 Person of the Year, honoring not one individual, but all of the women involved – and the cause as a whole. TIME said, “By shining a light on the women whose efforts got the movement off the ground, TIME acknowledged the profound influence of women like Rose McGowan and Ashley Judd on the year’s news, and their unprecedented ability to enact rapid change.”

Though sexual harassment, assault, and/or misconduct has been going on forever and spans race, income, occupation, and gender, the depth and scope became front page news when the New York Times broke their article on Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. In October 2017, the NYT published their article detailing decades of allegations of sexual assault and harassment against Weinstein. (Weinstein was fired from his company and over 60 women have come forward.)

Soon after the NYT article broke, on October 15, 2017 to be exact, actress Alyssa Milano,* told her followers: “If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.” More than 66,000 users replied and the tweet became a global sensation. 

*Milano was unaware that Burke had originally penned the term but after she found out, she gave Burke credit.

Soon after that, allegations seemed to come out daily against others. It didn’t matter what the field was, whether it be in the entertainment industry, political arena, doctors, teachers, chefs, CEO’s, etc. We all woke up one morning to learn NBC’s TODAY anchor,  Matt Lauer, had been fired for inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace. More names, with some of the accused admitting their guilt and others denying anything happened. We’ve learned of settlements, cover-ups, and complicity.

An onslaught of victims bravely came forward to tell their stories of how Dr. Larry Nassar, who worked with US Olympic women’s gymnastic teams for over twenty years, abused them. Over 150 victims have come forward so far and he did admit to sexually abusing girls under the guise of medical treatment. Most likely, hopefully in my opinion, he will die in prison.

And like the number of marchers grew for the Women’s March, the number of accusers grew. And the number of those accused grew. And grew. And grew. And like we learned, it wasn’t just in Hollywood that sexual abuse and harassment had been taking place. Workplaces, sports, schools…really, anywhere a person has power in position over someone else and abuses that power. Despite its name, sexual abuse is more about power than it is about sex. Dominance and control is usually what the abuser really craves and needs. 

WE LIFT – WE SPLIT 

As more women said “me too,” more women (and men) spoke out. And as it happened with the Women’s March , there were many differences of opinions and thoughts on the matter. Women came together to support and listen. Women were vocal with their words and active in their actions as they said, “me too.” We exposed the wrongdoings and demanded a change.

But there were also women who questioned why “all of these women waited so long before speaking out.” Victims who came forward were shamed, called liars, or “fake news.” Or they were told to be quiet since it happened “so long ago,” by some. I read social media accounts of women who said they were kind of sick of hearing about the #MeToo Movement, and that women needed to “put some big panties” on and get on with their lives. Some of us became judgmental of those who came forward, questioning their judgement, actions (as to why the women put themselves in “that situation,” and even attire.

There are reasons women haven’t come forward in the past. The fear of shame, not being believed, of being told it was their fault. There’s the possibility you could lose your job or credibility. Guilt as you wonder if you somehow are at fault. Did you smile too much or again, wear something too suggestive?

Some debated over whether a “pat” was just bad behavior or sexual misconduct. Questions arose over what was criminal behavior versus harassment. Was it assault if you didn’t say no, because you were perhaps scared or drunk? There were acts that while gross, were legal. There are lots of gray areas and laws can vary by state. 

Women, I think we’re better than that. I think that when we have compassion and empathy for others, it not only makes our world a better place, it makes us better humans. And we set better examples for future generations. 

#MeToo 

My first job as a teen (a long, long time ago,) was in a drugstore/pharmacy. I was a cashier at the register where the tobacco products and adult magazines were displaced. Magazines way more graphic that a Playboy or Penthouse. Huge boobs on the covers, women who looked as young as I was, headlines that left nothing to the imagination. 

Men older than my dad would come in, buy cigars or dip, leer at me, call me “honey, babe, sugar,” while looking at my chest as they tried to decide which “girly” magazine they wanted. Believe me, I am not a prude. Not at all. But it always made me feel uncomfortable and dirty in some way. Some of these men would accidentally brush against me if they caught me from out behind the counter. Their arm would somehow just brush against my breast, or a hand would accidentally touch my butt. But oh hey, it was just a pat, right? Sorry. Wink, wink. 

A few times when I mentioned how creepy I found these men, these are a few of the comments I would get, mostly adults…

“Just ignore them.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Men will be men.”

“They do spend lots of money.”

“He’s a friend of the boss.”

Oh, and I shouldn’t take offense at the honey, babe, sweetheart, girly comments. That’s just how it was. Again, not a prude and I have lots of friends who use those terms as forms of endearment. I think it was more about how they said it and how they looked at me while they said it. 

I wasn’t assaulted but I felt dirty somehow. They didn’t talk to the guys like that. They didn’t treat the older female employees like that. I thought that somehow I was giving off the vibes that it was OK to disrespect me in those ways. And because of my own embarrassment as to why they acted that way, again, something I must be doing, I just put up with it and ignored the leers and occasional wandering hand.  And you know what? Back in the day, that’s just how it was.

In my young 20’s I found myself in a position where I had to fight off the advances of a man who was well-known in town and very wealthy. When I threatened to tell EVERYONE, he called me a whore and asked, “Who are they going to believe?” And I knew he was right. He was “somebody” and I was “nobody.” I kept silent.

I have never been raped and my experiences don’t even come close to someone who has faced the terror of someone sexually assaulting them and feeling powerless and scared. I can’t even imagine the physical violation on top of the mental. 

A BRAVE LONE VOICE CAN BECOME MANY 

In some of the public cases we’ve heard about this past year, there were a few lone voices that had spoken out earlier. . and they weren’t believed. Years passed, the abuse continued, and the victim count grew. But this year we saw more brave women speak up. And with more women publicly speaking out and sharing their experiences, more felt comfortable to say, me too. Women felt empowered to speak out, tell their truths, share their words after being silent for so long.

And as more women came forward with their own experiences, more felt free to share. Burke said, “For too long, survivors of sexual assault and harassment have been in the shadows. We have been afraid to speak up, to say ‘me too’ and seek accountability. For many, the consequences of doing so have been devastating.”

#MeToo gives people a voice. On the MeToo site, metoomvmt.org, the movement writes they want to see a cultural transformation by “encouraging millions to speak out about sexual violence and harassment.” One of the #MeToo’s motto’s is ’empowerment through empathy,’ because the founders believe it is critical for survivors of sexual abuse to understand they are not alone. Their ultimate goal? “Disrupting all systems that allow sexual violence to flourish.”

When you have a voice, you can and will be heard. And that is a good and powerful thing.  All of these women who shared their words not only helped others, but it put out a warning to predators that we’re not putting up with this behavior. In a very short time the #MeToo movement has become a worldwide phenomenon as women united, shared, and told the world, this is not acceptable.

The #MeToo movement exposed and continues to expose predators who have used their power and positions to sexually harass, abuse, or assault others…because they could and did get away with it. And as long as we kept quiet about it, the abuse continued. But because of the movement, the exposure, we now can acknowledge what has gone on and in some cases, been accepted, and change things. We can and will change things so that one of these day no woman (or man or child,) will ever have to experience this. 

Burke describes the #MeToo as more than a hashtag. It is, she says, “the start of a larger conversation” and a space for “community healing.”

I like that phrase, “the start of a larger conversation.” 

A conversation…even if we don’t have time to march or make meetings; if we don’t want to sign our name to a petition; if our views differ from others. We can all have a conversation. We don’t have to agree, but we can talk. 

*FYI…The EEOC (U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) on sexual harassment in the workplace www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm