Celebrate Life Now

“Special Occasions”

When I was a little girl about the age of eight, I read a particular advice column article that has stuck with me to this day.

The letter was written by an adult granddaughter who was cleaning out her grandmother’s house after her death. She found drawers full of beautiful linen tablecloths and napkins. In the china cabinet were stacks of family china and silver. The bedroom dresser held a cache of slips and lingerie neatly folded and looking like they had never been worn. In the bathroom there was a stash of little soaps and lace trimmed towels. What amazed the granddaughter was that she had never seen any of these items before. When she asked her mom about all the treasures she was seeing for the first time her mom told her that “grandma had been saving them for a ‘special occasion‘”.

I happened to be visiting my own grandma and grandpa at the time and the article resonated with me because I had already discovered “treasures” that I was told were to be only looked at and not touched or used. They were only for “special occasions“. But when I asked what constituted a “special occasion”, no one really explained. (I’m sure I didn’t use the word constitute at the time!) At the ripe old age of eight, though, I could already think of many events that to me were special, like birthdays, weddings, and pretty much every holiday where the family got together. But I had never seen the china, crystal or linen tablecloths brought out or used.

When we got back home I started snooping/checking out the treasures that my mom had stored away in places that little fingers couldn’t get to. Sure enough, Mom had her own stockpile of items she was saving for that “special occasion”. In her bedroom I discovered two bottom drawers in her dresser that were lined with a floral patterned paper. On top of the paper were neat piles of slips in every color wrapped in tissue paper. Lavender sachets sat on top. I asked Mom, “Why don’t you ever wear these?”

She told me she was saving them for “a special event“.

In the kitchen cabinet on the very top shelf were the beveled juice glasses that had belonged to her grandmother that we were never allowed to use. I asked mom why we couldn’t use them and she told me she was saving them so that one day she could pass them on to me. But why not use them now I asked and was told, “so they don’t get broken or chipped”.

I just couldn’t wrap my mind around owning all these beautiful items that had been handed down or bought or gifted. Why were we not using them??? I guess maybe that’s why my Barbie dolls got to wear their ballgowns even when they were just driving around…the dresses were so pretty, why not wear them all the time? Anyway, I finally stopped asking (wasn’t getting any answers that made sense to me) but all these thoughts stayed in the back of my mind.

Around the age of 14 all my friends and I had hope chests…you know, the wood chests that had flowers and curlicues carved in them that you got for a birthday or Christmas and then you filled it up with household items and saved them, hoping that someday your prince would arrive, ask you to marry him and live happily ever after. (Do girls even do hope chests now?) I dutifully began filling it with wine glasses, linen napkins and dishes I bought from the drugstore I worked at.

The Day that Never Came…

At age sixteen we all had our driver licenses and that summer we would get large groups of friends together, drive to the lake and have picnics. For me, something suddenly resurfaced from that long ago read article and I decided these picnics were “special occasions”. Out came items from my hope chest. I filled the picnic basket with wine glasses (we drank sodas from them-mostly), cloth napkins and real plates. Candle holders and tapered candles were added, along with a tablecloth and silverware.

My mother was aghast that I was going to use these items–what if they got broken or lost? She told me I needed to save them for a “special occasion” after I was married. And out of my mouth popped what had been growing in the back of my brain since I was eight and that was, “But what if I die before then?”

I’m sure that mom thought I was being a smart ass at the time but I wasn’t. I didn’t want to grow up and die someday without having used the things I had and thought were beautiful.

So my son grew up with us using my great-grandma’s china for a night of chili and cornbread. We used those beveled juice glasses my mom had saved for Sunday breakfast. Antique linens were used at Christmas and Thanksgiving. If I bought frilly lingerie, I’d wear it on a Wednesday and not save it for a romantic vacation that might not happen for years.

Always Make it “Special”

I guess I believe that “special occasions” are occasions YOU MAKE SPECIAL and that can be anything from a birthday or holiday, to a good report card or simply because it’s a nice day out.

Items become special with memories.

Memories are meant to be shared.

I don’t want to hand down boxes of special things to my son that will mean nothing to him except for the fact they came from some relative he might never have even met. Instead, I imagine someday my son with his own family and perhaps pulling out the beveled juice glasses for cookies and milk and saying to his children, “See these glasses? They belonged to your great, great-grandma. I remember when I was drinking orange juice out of these very glasses, your grandma told me a funny story and I laughed so hard I snorted juice out of my nose.” I imagine his kids laughing at the thought of dad being little, snorting juice out of his nose, and them thinking Grandma’s a funny lady.

So what if a plate gets chipped or a glass gets cracked or a napkin gets stained. What use does it have – or what kind of memory is it helping to create – when it’s stored away?

Celebrate life now and build memories for the future. Make anytime a “special occasion” and stop waiting for them to happen.