Ever Commit A Faux Pas – 719woman.com
Back in the day, my mom had an uncanny ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It didn’t happen all the time and she was very well-spoken but occasionally, she’d open her mouth and something would pop out that wasn’t quite appropriate at the time. For example, dealing with a frustrated car dealer when she was looking for a new car who happened to be bald, and she was being sympathetic and then said, “It’s probably enough to make you want to pull your hair out.” Then there was the time she was shopping for furniture during a big sale and she said to the salesman, “Wow, they sure do have you hopping around today.” (And she then realized he only had one leg.) Now to be fair, the salesman at the furniture store was sitting behind a desk when she said that and it wasn’t until he got up that she realized her faux pas. But my mom, who didn’t have a mean bone in her body, had the ability to apologize in a way, poking fun at herself while doing so, that both the gentleman in those instances probably gave her an even bigger discount and she probably sent them Christmas cards for the rest of her life. That was my mom.
I thought of this the other day while lunching with two girlfriends because we had just been sharing some information which touched on this subject…being at the receiving end of a faux pas. Or being the one to make one.
At a party we were hosting when we first moved to Colorado, one of the guests who came in was a business associate of my husband who was with a woman. I didn’t know he was married and had only heard my husband talk about the man’s mother, who had taken a big batch of cookies up to his work one day. Anyway, I greeted him and then said, “Oh it’s so nice you brought your mother, I’ve heard about her delicious cookies.” Well, you’ve probably already guessed it but the woman was actually his wife and by the look on her face, not happy. I of course was mortified and wishing a hole would suddenly appear that I could sink into but…
You know, I hadn’t actually studied her face, focusing more on greeting him but that didn’t really help me at that moment. I of course apologized with something like, “Well, I obviously don’t have my glasses on. I’m so sorry.” Then I probably rattled on about being distracted due to getting the party planned, emphasized poor eyesight again, and then tried being extra nice. We never did become good friends and I don’t know if that’s because of what I had said or if we just weren’t meant to be.
On the other hand, just last month I was in a favorite store and the friendly clerk said to me, “Now you get a senior citizen discount don’t you hon?” I guess I wasn’t offended since I’m only 3 years away from getting the senior discount at that particular store but it was the first time someone had confused me for being older. I just laughed and said, “Not quite yet but I’m getting there.” It was all good. But the woman standing next to me in line was quite indignant on my behalf and said to me, “Well that would piss me off.” And then she said to the clerk, “How in the world could you ask her that?” Then the sales clerk got flustered, apologized profusely to me, while I kept telling her it was ok, and by the way, it was Senior Citizen Day at the store. At the end, I was more embarrassed by the woman standing next to me, who I didn’t know at all, than I was by being asked the question in the first place. I’m sure that more often than not, on that particular day every week, there are people who forget to tell them they qualify for the discount until after they’ve been rung up so I was totally ok with her asking me that. (And I added extra eye cream that night!)
Girlfriend A that I was dining with then told us that someone had recently commented on how cute her 1 1/2-year-old son was and how nice it was that she was pregnant so the kids would be close in age. Well since girlfriend A wasn’t and isn’t pregnant, it stung a bit. She did a little laugh and said “Oh no, I’m not pregnant, just bloated!” The woman apologized but clearly was embarrassed. (And just FYI, girlfriend A does not look pregnant at all!)
And then just about that time, my husband, who is the GM where we were lunching, strolled out to say hi to us. Girlfriend B that day had her 2 month old daughter with her and as my husband greeted her he said, “Oh he’s beautiful.” Obviously he doesn’t listen to what I say because I had clearly told him she had a girl but I’ll cut him some slack here…ha! Anyway, girlfriend B just smiled, said “Thank you, she gets her looks from her father.”
After my husband left, we all just laughed and laughed, and then had a drink.
So I guess what I’m saying is that we all make a faux pas at times or have had one made towards us. I personally think you can tell when something is said that’s a mistake versus being snide. And I think it’s how you handle it that is remembered. You can let a comment piss you off and ruin your day or you can blow it off. I actually have a harder time dealing when I’ve put my foot in my mouth because then I feel bad that I might have hurt someone’s feelings.
My question to you is have you had someone say something by mistake that hurt your feelings? Or perhaps you’re the one who made the faux pas? And how did you handle it?