So as I was reading this article, I was feeling worse and worse about myself and wondering how much “harm” I had caused my (now grown) son, from some admitted times I yelled at him when he was younger. Yes, I did yell occasionally and yes, I used words I wish I hadn’t. Sometimes I yelled when “safety” was an issue….like when he hid under a clothing rack at a store in the mall and I couldn’t find him for about 15 minutes and panicked. I do think I waited till we got to the car before letting loose. And there were also times I raised my voice because I was tired or frustrated and while the anger wasn’t because of him, it was directed at him. I can still remember times I probably sounded like a lunatic because homework wasn’t done in a timely manner or he didn’t clean up his room….And there were times he heard his dad and me yell at each other…all I could think of as I read further was, “I must have been the worst mother ever!”
My son was actually visiting the day I read this (sampling some apple recipes I was working on), and I asked him, “Do you think I yelled a lot when you were little?” And he looked up at me and was like, “What?” Thankfully his answer was no, or maybe he just said that so I wouldn’t yell at him…..(ha!) Anyway, all I can say is that my son and I have a wonderful relationship, we actually enjoy hanging out together and he is totally capable of having and maintaining solid relationships. So maybe, even with some yelling while he was growing up, I did an ok job in the mothering department.
Now I’m not condoning yelling and I do think there’s a difference between yelling about chores, homework or misbehavior versus verbal abuse and telling a child they are stupid or ugly or using words that are meant to demean….and I’m not talking about yelling every single day.
A lot of times I skip the comments section of articles I read because they can be nasty and mean and sometimes don’t even pertain to the story. But I did scroll down to see what others thought (thinking everyone was going to write that they never yelled around their children), and was actually surprised at how many people admitted to yelling and not thinking it had done permanent damage to their child.
So I’m curious, after reading this article….what do you think?