What If He Were Your Son? – The Colorado Theater Shooting

First of all, my heart goes out to every person who lost a loved one in the Aurora movie theater shooting. When I see the pictures and hear the stories of the victims…it breaks my heart! So much senseless loss, and I think what’s even harder for me, is that it happened in a place full of families, friends, everyday people doing something we all like to do, going to the movies and having some innocent fun. When I hear the stories of how some of them died, while protecting others, it just makes me want to break down and sob.

My heart also breaks for the wounded, some that will forever live with physical problems and disabilities due to their wounds, and for their families who will have to deal with this on a daily basis, with the challenge of watching someone you love in pain or who will never function like they did before and also for the financial challenges they will face.

And let’s not forget about the emotional issues everyone in that movie theater will live with for the rest of their lives….it’s not like they were in some war-torn country where they knew they faced possible danger…they were in a movie theater, a place where you don’t think of this happening! I’m thinking it might be a very long time before they might ever feel safe again. For me, the victims are the ones I truly feel sorry for and grieve, their lives will never be the same.

The day this happened, as reports came in that the “alleged” shooter was James Holmes (I use the word alleged because he hasn’t been convicted, even though he was caught red-handed, so I’m not thinking he didn’t do it, just using the correct verbage), and we heard a bit about his background and intelligence, his personality before this happened, and his age, the first thing I said to my husband was, “I bet he’s schizophrenic.” And I said this, not because I’m a bleeding liberal or think he should just go free or not face the consequences, but because my husband and I have first hand experience of having a family member who has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

Now of course, we don’t know anything for sure at this point (except that we do know he did kill and injure people, even though there has not been a trial) and I’m not a psychiatrist, psychologist or hold any type of mental health degree, but I have seen someone who went from a highly intelligent, seemingly normal and functioning person change (what seemed like overnight) into someone who loses touch with reality.

Schizophrenia is an illness that often appears during late adolescence or early adulthood and is frequently marked by an inability to distinguish fantasy from reality or to be in touch with other people. Most never kill anyone, but a few lose the capacity to think clearly about themselves and others. James Holmes went from (by all accounts so far) being a highly intelligent young man, in a Ph.D. program in neuroscience at the University of Colorado, with no history of violence, to a mass killer.

I have read so many comments that James Holmes’ parents SHOULD  have seen this coming, that they COULD have prevented this, that they must be HORRIBLE parents, that they should be ashamed and leave the country. I’ve read hundreds, if not thousands of comments where people said that if it was their son, they’d buy the bullet to kill him themselves or be the first one to give him the fatal injection. Really?

There are a lot of opinions and thoughts regarding Holmes, like he’s a terrorist, or that guns are responsible or even movies or video games are to blame, and again, none of us know factually why he did this.  I’m using my own personal experience for my “what if” and opinion. In our own personal experience, you don’t see a huge list of warning signs staring you in the face, so that you think there’s something wrong. It’s a gradual loss, that can happen over months, of what your family member or friend goes through that seems like they are just having challenges like we all face. Young men (and women) go through difficulties that usually seems like things we’ve all experienced. Maybe their grades are starting to slip, perhaps they become a little withdrawn or depressed. You don’t think, oh my gosh, I think they are going to kill someone. Usually it takes some action (and then it’s too late a lot of times), for you to know there’s actually something really wrong with that person. And then, even after someone is diagnosed, once they are an adult, as a parent, there is nothing legal you can do to get them help. They are an adult and you have no control. And you can’t even call the police or get medical attention unless you can say, “They are a threat to themself or others”, and again, then it might be too late.

I have no solutions or even ideas on how to fix what to me, seems like a problem with our mental health system. Our family member has had to have the police called on them, has had to be in a mental hospital, has tried to commit suicide, and even though now on medicine, continues to have weekly conversations with Satan. They (leaving the gender and name of our family member out of this) can now function well enough to live on their own, is highly intelligent, and doesn’t seem to be a threat to themselves or others,… even though we do know, that on any given day, especially if they stop their meds, could snap. But again, there’s nothing we or others can do to literally prevent that from happening. Not legally.

Do I think Holmes should be put to death or should he be put in a mental facility for the rest of his life? I honestly don’t know. If he is truly mentally ill and had a break from reality, due to something he had no control over, should he die? I might sound harsh, but there is a small part of me that thinks he should, because he’s a mass murderer (again, “allegedly”). But then I ask myself, would I want my child to die if he truly didn’t know what he was doing? Wouldn’t I rather him get the help he needs and be locked up in a mental facility so that he couldn’t ever harm another person? But what about justice for those he hurt?

When our family member stuck a huge knife in their chest and we later asked why, the response was because Satan told them to. And the break from reality was so much, that they believed that’s what they should do. And this person didn’t grow up in an abusive lifestyle or have a history of harming small animals or being a bully. This person wasn’t beaten, ignored, bullied or mistreated. The signs they showed before the break was a bit of withdrawal and a slight disinterest in what was going on around them…and who doesn’t feel a little depressed at times. And the fact that James Holmes methodically planned this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s sane. It’s hard to believe that he’s “crazy” when he put so much thought into planning this massacre, but when our family member tried to kill themselves, there was planning and thought put into it….Satan told him exactly when and how to do it. It WAS planned.

If James Holmes were my son, I don’t know how I would feel or react. Would I not hate his actions but still love my son? Would I blame myself even if I KNEW, I had raised him in a loving and good home and been a good parent? Would I leave his side and say, “you’re no son of mine?” I guess unless I’m in their shoes, I can’t answer that. I just can’t imagine what they must be feeling.

I do believe our mental health system is broken and needs to be fixed. The suicide rate for our military is at an all time high, with a lot of these folks suffering from PTSD. It’s so sad and to me, unfathomable that they serve our country, help protect our nation, see horrible things we can’t even imagine, and then come home to suffer alone, without all the help they need. Statistically, there are a lot of homeless people who were once bright, functioning human beings who suffer from mental illnesses but refuse to take (or can’t get them) medications that could help them. And part of mental illness of any kind is that once you do take medicines and feel like your old self, you think you don’t need them and stop. Anyone on antidepressants that have done this? You take medicine, feel like your “old self” again, stop taking the medicine and then fall back into depression?

We still don’t know what caused him to do this and I’m not saying, without proof, that he IS schizophrenic, and regardless if he is or isn’t…as a parent, what would you do? What would you say, how would you feel? I just don’t think pointing fingers or blaming the parents solves anything and until you walk in their shoes, again, how do you really know how you’d react?

There’s a part of me that doesn’t feel sorry for the shooter whatsoever, even if he did have a break with reality, because as a “sane” person, I think, “but didn’t you KNOW you needed help”. Even with our family member, I get pissed off at times because I think, “you’re smart enough to KNOW you need to take your medicine!” Or, “you have to know those voices aren’t real!” Or even, “why don’t you try harder?”  But then, I’m rational, so I’m not thinking like that person. It’s hard to understand delusions when physically a person “looks” like an average person. I’m not saying James Holmes is insane, schizophrenic, part of a terrorist plot or just plain evil….I’m not saying he shouldn’t be punished to the fullest extent. I’m just throwing it out there, it seems like he may have had some type of mental break and are his parents to blame….and should they love him less?

Could this have been prevented? I don’t know. All I know is that there are 12 innocent people dead, over 50 who have been injured, many who have suffered emotionally, and parents of a shooter who most likely never expected their son to do something like this,… and a man, who may or may not have known what he was doing with the carnage and bloodshed on his hands.

If I had to give an answer as to what I would do if James Holmes were my son, I THINK (never know until you’re in that situation), that I would publicly voice my sorrow over what my son did to the victims. I don’t know that I could or would ask for their forgiveness because that’s hard to do but perhaps if I were a “bigger” or more religious person than I am, I would? And I would try to get either the treatment he needs if he is found mentally ill or stand by him but agree that justice is needed  and that he needs to pay the consequences of his actions.

It’s all tragic, senseless, and horrible.